Tag Archives: Edward Cullen

David, I Love Your Man-Tears, Man

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Here’s the thing, people. As cute and sweet as David Archuleta is, that doesn’t fly with us girls anymore (ahem… when I say us, I mean, um, me). I like a man who’s a little rough and ragged with the potential to, like, freak the hell out. One who’s hiding a lot of pain and has like this whole secret brooding-prince-of-darkness thing that could just blow up outta nowhere.

I think about that when I watch David Cook sing. Sure, he looks kind of like a nice guy, and he probably is, but on the inside, he’s definitely pissed off about something. Remember when Ryan went all smarmy when he brought up the bartender thing? I could swear David pulled him aside right before the cut and said, “You pull that shit again, Seacrest, and I’m gonna lay your spray-tan-wearin’ ass out.”

Fireworks!

Archuleta is talented and true and has a whole career ahead of him, I’m sure. But for my money? Cook takes the cake. And eats it, too.

I have no idea what that means, but whatever.

Let’s look at an example from another recent cultural phenomenon: Stephenie Meyer’s TWILIGHT. Edward Cullen vs. Jacob Black. Jacob is sweet and endearing and loyal and all that, like a best buddy. Or a dog. Or a werewolf, more accurately. But Edward? Anger management issues. Protective. Borderline possessive. Hella-intense. And he has that whole pissed off, misunderstood vampire thing going for him. See? Brooding. Prince. Of darkness.

That’s not all, people. Let’s dig deep into the archives. For those of us who grew up in the 80s, there was Michael Carrington of Grease II fame. Did super-hottie Stephanie Zinone want the sweet, shy type? No. In her own words, set to music, and tight leather pants, she wanted a “C-O-O-L *pause* R-I-D-E-R.” Ya, I learned that song before I learned my ABCs.

Grease II.jpg

“Stephanie, have you ever… read… the Superman comic?”
“Not in the last few hours.”

See? And certainly none of us over the age of 25 (okay 30. Ish.) can forget this:

Breakfast Club.jpg

“Remember how you said your parents use you to get back at each other? Wouldn’t I be outstanding in that capacity?”

*Shiver*

Anyway, congrats to both Davids. And for the record, I’m not sure I could sit through a performance of someone singing the phone book, but, like Paula, I do get a little choked up when they cry. Dreams coming true and all that.

Naming the Boys We Love

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They say it takes a village of idiots to raise a book, and mine are no different. My books, not my idiots.

Anyway, remember how you all1 came to my rescue during the writing of TWENTY BOY SUMMER for naming my main character’s deceased first love and for sharing your summer seaside memories, heartfelt and embarrassing as they may have been? Yes? Yes?

Loyal readers and those whom I stalk, I need your creative input once again!

I don’t know what it is about me getting all tongue-tied when it comes to naming my MC’s love interests, but here’s the deal. I need some names for the book two boy (B2B), and sadly, Kaleb Nation is already taken (if you haven’t heard about Twilight Guy, and you like vampire boys and the boys who heart them, stop by and show some blood-love for Kaleb soon).

Anyway, a little bit about B2B to get you thinking:

  1. Patrick is seventeen years old.
  2. He grew up in the fictional maple sugar town of Red Falls, Vermont, but moved to the fictional city of New York with his mother five years ago. He still spends summers in VT with his father.
  3. Patrick helps Dad with contract and construction work on local houses. He’s very handy, and looks good sweating in a tight white shirt with tools hanging off his low-slung tool belt.
  4. Patrick has dark amber eyes (but unlike Edward Cullen’s eyes, Patrick’s don’t change color when he’s hungry or in a mood) and messy brown hair that he usually pulls into a low ponytail.
  5. Every Thursday in the summer, he sings and plays acoustic guitar at Luna’s coffee shop on Main Street in Red Falls. Coincidentally, Thursdays are Luna’s busiest nights.
  6. If you were, say, the 50-something mother of the author of this book, not naming names, you would probably go all cougar on this kid. Rarrr!
  7. Patrick is very intense, but sweet and sincere. Girls fall for him all the time but he’s not into random hookups (sorry nameless cougars).
  8. He’s definitely a Twilight Guy. Swoon!

Getting some ideas? Cool. Here are the rules:

  1. I need a last name and a nickname.
  2. He was known as Little Ricky as a kid, so the nickname can’t be Ricky or Rick.
  3. Last name has to go with Patrick and Ricky, since his Dad still goes by Ricky.
  4. His nickname doesn’t necessarily have to relate to his interests and hobbies, but it could, as long as it isn’t tacky and obvious, like Handy or Guitar Boy or Sexy White T-Shirt Guy.
  5. The nickname should be something his teenage guy friends would call him.
  6. Not Patsy or Patty or Pat.

So, any suggestions?

1. You all: for my Buffalo and Jersey friends, that’s yoos guys. For our neighbors to the south, it’s y’all. Up in tha club, that’s all y’all.

On Getting the Memo

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Obviously, I didn’t. Get the memo, I mean. Twice. In one day. The memo was sent, and I, sadly, did not get it.

  1. Hannah Montana. For someone in her 30s, I consider myself relatively well-versed in youth culture. I write for teens, starting with 20 BOY SUMMER. I have to stay on top of these things, right? That’s why I read other teen books, keep running up our cell phone bill to perfect my text shorthand (“IDK… my BFF, Jill?”), and do crazy things like experiment with blue eyeshadow. So yeah, I’d heard of Hannah Montana before. Lots of times. I even tried to embarrass Alex recently in a Denver video store by exclaiming loudly, “Honey, look—they have those Hannah Montana posters you asked about!”

    Imagine my surprise when I discovered, upon clicking through a story about Miley Cyrus (whom I just heard about for the first time ever while watching the CMAs with my MIL – see what happens when you don’t have cable?) writing her memoirs, that she and aforementioned Hannah-Mo are one in the same, and that aforementioned Hannah-Mo is actually a fictional character! I mean, I knew the name was made-up (no one’s parents are that cruel), but I thought it was like a nom de plume kind of thing devised by Disney to sell more tickets to young girls and their parents so they can get more people’s fingerprints. I mean, um, moving on…

  2. Boys for Edward Cullen. Scott, my baby boo, was the first. You all remember it, right? Perhaps I didn’t blog about Scott’s unwavering Twilight devotion enough. I didn’t promote his Edward-hearting, me-time-taking, oreo-eating fervor with the attention it deserved. Remember?

    And out of nowhere, I was like, aww man, this is really cute, and suddenly I’m getting all emotional… I think I might need a Kleenex or some shit. So the next day, I was like, fuck it, my girlfriend isn’t coming over until later, so I got those Kleenex and a bag of Oreos and settled in for some ‘me time.’ I finished the whole book. And the Oreos. And I’m like, vampires, humans, cool, cool. I really liked it. I told my friend, dude, if you like vampire books, check it out. Now I have to get the next one. —Scott

    None of that matters now. Thanks to my late-memo-getter-doesn’t-get-jack curse, now there’s this guy*:


    And Scott, sweet little baby bird that he is, has to keep drumming for money (no, for reals. He literally plays the drums). I’m sorry, boo. If only I’d gotten the memo, I could have propelled you into Twilight fanboy stardom status and saved you from the depths of despair. Well, as deep and despaired as you can be when dozens of girls are screaming your name and throwing their bras at you on stage. But still.

Let this be a lesson for us all. What kind of lesson, I’m not sure, but there’s got to be one here somewhere.


*Post-post edit: I was too hard on Twilight Guy. TG is now officially okay in my book. I mean, not in my book that’s coming out next Spring—he’s not in that one. But my book, you know, the one I keep on hand for doling out random judgments such as this.

Anyway, since TG, also known as Kaleb Nation, commented below, I decided I would let him keep the credit for starting all that “Edward Cullen Fan Club for Reluctant Boys” stuff. I’ll be following his hot-boy-vampire reading and research endeavors closely. 🙂

Who *Hearts* Edward Cullen?

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“At first I thought it was like, super girly. I so wasn’t into it, especially when I saw that it was a Teen People ‘Hot List’ pick—man. But I really wanted to finish it, so I just sat down and read like another 200 pages. And out of nowhere, I was like, aww man, this is really cute, and suddenly I’m getting all emotional… I think I might need a Kleenex or some shit. So the next day, I was like, fuck it, my girlfriend isn’t coming over until later, so I got those Kleenex and a bag of Oreos and settled in for some ‘me time.’ I finished the whole book. And the Oreos. And I’m like, vampires, humans, cool, cool. I really liked it. I told my friend, dude, if you like vampire books, check it out. Now I have to get the next one.”

—Anonymous rock star baby brother (sister) on Stephenie Meyers’ vampire love story, TWILIGHT