After spending spending the last few weeks trapped in the cave of revisions, I completed final revisions on Fixing Delilah. And so, with brain mostly I scrambled, I present…
Top 10 Signs You’ve Been Revising Too Long
10. Your husband asks you out to dinner, but with preconditions: shower first.
9. You can’t remember if you actually showered last week or just wrote about it in your book.
8. When you finally meet those shower preconditions and get to the restaurant and the waiter comes to take your order, you return the menu with margin notes on how he might raise the stakes and increase dramatic tension in the main course section. The word “succulent” is overused, there shouldn’t be an apostrophe in “Beverages,” and the transition from appetizers to salads could use some smoothing out, too.
7. You tailbone is numb and the tops of your thighs have square-shaped laptop burns.
6. You can’t make a decision without first thinking, “What would [main character] do?”
5. Your friends and family don’t remember you, but the Indian food delivery guy invites you to his daughter’s wedding in Calcutta.
4. You can no longer differentiate your “pajama pajamas” from your “work pajamas” (for Jenny Han!).
3. You spill something on the counter and immediately look for CTRL+Z. When you can’t find it, you leave the spill, hoping someone in copyediting will catch it.
2. When you try to print a clean copy of your manuscript, your printer tells you to f*&# off.
And the number one sign you’ve been revising too long…
1. “Not tonight, dear. I’m writing 12 and up.”