In 11 days, Alex and I (with the help of my Edward Cullen-lovin’ baby brother and one of his rock star BFFs from Buffalo) will load up all of our stuff and drive from Denver back home to New York City (via Buffalo). For those of you keeping track of such things, here are a few updates on the big move.
Useless Moving Trivia For Your Reading Pleasure
- We are living in a warehouse.
- We sit in camping chairs for meals, movies, blogging, political forecasting, and important financial discussions.
- We trashed an old chair. Dragging it out to the dumpster, Alex shook out $2.87, which must be really really old because no one ever sat in that thing. It’s more money than we would have gotten if we tried to sell it. Anyway, it’s going for gas money.
- I can’t pull into the garage without knocking something over with my car / my groceries / my ass.
- The liquor store guys know us by name. Because we keep asking for boxes. And, um, liquor.
- We’re getting more creative with meals, trying to use up what’s left in the pantry and fridge. Up next? Tofu stir-fry with a beet-sour kraut-popcorn chutney. For dessert? Oatmeal garnished with canned pineapples, brown sugar, and one Oreo. Who’s coming to dinner?
- We each have one mug, which we must keep washed at all times in case of unavoidable coffee emergency.
- We each have one pair of underwear, which we must keep washed at all times in case of unexpected visitors, deliveries, or interactions with people.
- We’ve started burning scented candles during all waking hours because we don’t want to pack them (and because of #8).
Dumbest Moving-Related Conversations
- “If someone broke in and destroyed the place after you turned in your keys, you’d have to cover the damages, but what are the chances of that happening?” —Leasing office lady, when asked if we could move out before our lease ends but still pay the full rent.
- “Well technically someone could take your information and use your old license plate numbers, but what are the chances of that happening?” —DMV lady, telling me that we could come in and fill out the form to cancel our old license plates, but we don’t really have to.
- “I’m sorry, Ma’am, but if you want to use your United travel certificate, you have to go to the airport and book the ticket in person.” —United representative on the process for redeeming the gift certificate they sent to me to “compensate for the inconvenience” of my last flight delay, as if it is more convenient to drive 45 minutes each way to buy a ticket at the airport, which to my knowledge only happens in the movies when someone is chasing down the girl who just boarded a plane to France just so he can confess his love in front of all the other passengers and they can turn around and come back and live happily ever after (the guy and the girl, not the other passengers).
Moving-Related Phrases I Pretended I Didn’t Hear
- “Hey, are you sure all of this will fit in the truck?”
- *CRASH* “Ooops. Um, how much did you like that glass thingy? Like, a lot?”
- “Gas is almost $4/gallon and we’re driving a car and a moving truck.”
- “Oh, I think I packed that already.”
- “We should camp in Iowa instead of finding a hotel.” (Hi honey! *waves!*)
- “The truck only has a tape deck—no CDs.”
Most Challenging Moving Issue To Date
- I must… not… POP… the bubble wrap! It’s so shiny! It’s so… POP-able! Just look at it—it wants to be popped! Hey, did you know it comes in rolls?
Look at it, would you? I just want to wrap myself in it… make myself a big ol’ bubble-suit, turn myself into a big bubble-mummy, and then roll down the stairs or some—wait, I’ve said too much…
POP POP POP!
We’re pretty much ready, save for all the last-minute admin details, closing of accounts, address changes, etc. That stuff always takes way longer than we plan, but we should be on track for an on-time departure on the 31st. Which is more than I can say for United. Not to bring that up again…