What’s it like being a full time writer? In a word?

Glamourous!

If you’re considering a career as an author, this sneak peak recap of today’s work schedule is for you!

A Day in the Life of a Full Time Writer, by Sarah Ockler

1:30 PM: Open eye. Or 2. I know it’s difficult, having gone to bed at 6:00 AM when most people in CO are already out walking their dogs and people in NY are getting their coffee from the coffee cart guy outside their office. But come on, it’s a beautiful day! Wake up and start the morning–erm, afternoon–with a smile, sleepy-poo!

1:40 PM: What day is it? Hmmm. Tuesday? No, Wednesday. Maybe I should take a shower. Seems it’s taking me much longer to run out of things like soap and shampoo than it did when I had to like, go outside. And interact. With people.

2:05 PM: Power up computer. Just a quick check of my 3 separate email accounts, MySpace, Facebook, MyFamily, Google Reader, local news, and weather (in case I go outside later. No pressure.), then it’s time to get to work!

3:37 PM: Damn you, Facebook Scrabulous! The only thing I’ve learned from you is that “za” and “quirt” are words! You’ve taken 92 minutes of my life that I will never, ever get back! Well you, and Gawker and Gothamist and Feministing. But still!

3:38 PM: Headache… must make… coffee!

3:42 PM: Ahhhhh. Headache problem solved. Make breakfast. Scrambled eggs with sauteed mushrooms, green and yellow squash, spinach, and tomatillos, topped with salsa and a dollop of fresh sour cream. I am a domestic goddess. I’m surprised at how much I like the word ‘dollop.’ Dollop. Say it again, with a funny froggy kind of voice. Dollop! Briefly consider cooking school instead of clown college or writing camp.

4:09 PM: Return to computer to “power through” revisions on book 2 synopsis. Just one more quick check on…

4:41 PM: Blasted Scrabulous! You are my arch enemy, defeater of productivity and physical movement! You have turned my couch into an office! You… you are my heroin!

4:42 PM: Okay, time to get serious. Fo’ rizzle. Wait, did I just say fo’ rizzle? Focus. Focus. Hello, synopsis. Darling synopsis. How I’ve missed you…

4:51 PM: Synopsis, you are worse than Scrabulous, you evil succubus! You hate me! You are all conspiring against me! I will never be a successful author! I can’t even edit my own synopsis which I’ve already written for a book I’ve already sold! I am a one-book wonder and three-letter-word Scrabulous player! I might as well go to the appliance store and pick out the cardboard dishwasher box in which I’ll be living next month!

4:52 PM: Snap out of it! Write three new lines. Delete a few old ones. Make some notes. Refer to stack of synopsis how-to books while logging into instant messenger application. There, there. I’ll tell my online friends all about it. Wait, no! Don’t tell them! Look at these damn books! They are here to help, unlike those so-called “friends” who only want to distract me!

4:59 PM: I’m serious! Get back to work, lousy slacker!

5:17 PM: Break time. I deserve it after 18 minutes of solid work, in which I mostly stared at my synopsis on the sreen and cried a little bit on the inside, but that still counts as work. Maybe I’ll read a little bit of that new book I treated myself to yesterday because that counts as work, too.

5:41 PM: Blasted bloody British book with your lovable yet detached protagonist, compelling plot, and unbroken cadence!

5:42 PM: *Sigh* I will never write as good as this. Not only am I editorially impaired with my book 2 synopsis, but my first book is going to flop, too. I am not British. I don’t do cadence. I do… Scrabulous.

5:43 PM: Speaking of Scrabulous…

6:29 PM: Are you serious? It’s 6:30? I’ve only been up for 5 hours and the sun is already down! Probably I should just go out to dinner with my husband. He’s easily swayed.

10:01 PM: Who knew chocolate mousse and Kahlua worked so well together?

10:02 PM: Seriously, I need to get to work. Okay? The time for effing around is over. Just one more quick check on Facebook, Google Reader, and my blog update, and then…