Terminated!

I think Smokey said it best in Friday when he said…

“You got to be a stupid mother$@#&%$ to get fired on your day off.”

Okay, so it wasn’t exactly my day off, and I didn’t exactly get fired, but on account of my typical lateness, I totally missed my own don’t-call-us-we-won’t-call-you-either meeting. The meeting. The one in which seven of us were, well, *insert Arnold voice here* TERMINATED.

It was quite the Sarah Conner day all around. I showed up late for the don’t-let-the-door-hit-you-in-the-ass meeting, but thanks to my excellent powers of deduction, I knew what went down. Lots of people crying and hugging around the cubes. Empty cardboard boxes kindly stacked in front of our desks, provided at no additional charge by They Who Are Heretofore Known As The Company.

Everyone looked kind of… shocked. I’m like, people. Don’t you read the Internets? Yahoo Finance had the scoop weeks ago. Which is why I packed my desk weeks ago, and why it only took me like 5 minutes and one half of The Company box to pack up the rest this morning (farewell, Dilbert cartoons! Farewell, sweet sweet fern of indifference!). I have to say, it’s kind of liberating to select all of the emails in your inbox and just hit DELETE! Bwa ha hah! The number you have dialed is no longer in service…

People kept asking me what I was going to do next. Let’s see, today, after I packed my half-box and bid adieu to my fern of indifference, I…

  1. Got my ‘her did. No use crying over spilt jobs! I needed a new cut for my upcoming trip to NY. Plus, you never know when America’s Next Top Model scouts will be cruisin’ the Denver unemployment line. When destiny calls, I gotta be lookin’ fresh!
  2. The outlet mall! The outlet mall! The OUTLET mall! Wait till you see this new coat I got. I want to sleep in it. I want it to snow in my bedroom just so I can sleep in it without alarming The Company-sponsored mental health service practitioner who is here to support me during this difficult transition-slash-TERMINATION.
  3. Put on my PJs at 6:30.
  4. Drank some wine.
  5. Had some pumpkin pie.
  6. With Alex and my office BFF L-Fizzle who also got TERMINATED.
  7. Watched a little Ali G.
  8. Oh, look! It’s midnight! I’m drinking coffee! La la la!
  9. Made my demanding to-do list for tomorrow: sleep in. Have breakfast with favorite husband. Go get curly hair stuff (extra strength for that NY humidity). Paint my nails. Paint husband’s nails. Watch paint dry. Oooh, shiny! Read a book. Read another. And another – oh, girl you are living ON THE EDGE!

Can I revise my Smokey thing? Now that I think about it, I believe it was Peter Gibbons who said it best in Office Space:

Bob: “Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.”
Peter: “I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.”

At some point, I’m going to have to, like, do something. But… *sigh*

Today is not that day.

Tomorrow is not looking good either.


To my fellow terminees… if any of you would like to get together and, I don’t know, play Cranium or drink heavily or mastermind an evil plot or something, mi casa es su casa…

7 thoughts on “Terminated!

  1. ROTFLMAO!!!!

    Sarahs Everywhere United!!! šŸ™‚

    Seriously, this is such great news. I’m so glad (a) it’s over and (b) now you have time to focus on spoiling yourself a little because (c) when you get to NYC you KNOW you are going to have to (d) work on writing stuff because…

    It’s what we do!! <<– yep, still channelling SG-1 parody episodes

    -sry
    Sarah in St. Loius
    Who forgot you were a Sarah in Denver &
    will have to tell Sarah in Colorado Springs

  2. Only you can make being Terminated sound like a fun and funny experience, Congrats sweetie, have some fun and enjoy yourself!

  3. wow- I think thats great news. Remember you’re not terminated, you’ve just switched jobs. When I took the summer off to write, I was shocked at how fast the days went by and how on somedays I got very little writing done. I kept thinking I have all the time in the world. – Huge mistake.

    Talk to you when you get back.

  4. Sarah,
    America’s Next Top Model: You be the nice girl, okay? And look writerly, you know, constantly penning things down in a notebook and looking faraway, then furiously scribbling again. Wear black. Don’t smoke, though. Tyra banned it this cycle.

  5. So, judging by your post, I am confident that you know what a good thing this is and I don’t need to reinforce it with any of my cynicism! I hope you have a fantastic (and long-lasting) hiatus from the RG and enjoy every minute of it.

    Sarah in San Francisco

  6. Well, I finally got around to reading this — you know… the boys and/or wife and/or house leave me little time for recreational internet fun anymore, plus The Company’s damn firewall blocked your blogspot site and I just discovered this one today (yay!). Believe me, you’re in a much better place (physically – being in the ghost town formerly known as 10T1 is absolute torture, and mentally – your writing makes it joyfully obvious that you’re one happy chick these days).

    Anyway, you’re missed here at the office. I’ll pop in from time to time to see what’s happening in your world. Give a big “hello” to Alex for me. Enjoy the freedom!

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