Police v. Killers: Musical Smackdown

You’ve all read about our tragic experience at the Killers show at Red Rocks last month. I swear, Alex still wakes up in a cold sweat just thinking about it. So when we piled in to the Pepsi Center Sunday night for the Police concert, and they were piping in Killers music, we got a bit concerned – you know, foreshadowing and all. Alex started shaking, but I got him some popcorn and iced tea and promised everything would be all right.

And it was. Unlike the Killers. Which we’ve already covered ad nauseam, but still.

So, Brandon Flowers, while you’re home icing your delicate vocal chords, take a look at this!

The Police v. The Killers

  1. Killers did 3 songs. Police did 3 encores. Winner: Police
  2. Killers dressed in hip skinny jeans and looked the part. Sting dressed in hip skinny jeans with sparkles, a tight wife-beater, and looked like he was trying too hard to look the part he used to look twenty years ago. Winner: Killers
  3. Killers: hit all the high notes on the not-quite-three songs they sang. Sting: sang in alternate keys to avoid the high notes. Winner: Killers
  4. Killers drummer: came on stage to break the news that lead singer Brandon Flowers just couldn’t go on, then ignored the audience’s pleas to sing in Brandon’s place. Police drummer: Stewart Copeland. ‘Nuff said. Winner: Police
  5. Killers venue: amazing outdoor amphitheatre surrounded by towering red boulders once roamed by dinosaurs. Police venue: Pepsi Center, corporate home of the Denver Nuggets and Colorado Mammoth. Winner: Killers
  6. Killers opener Hot Hot Heat performed uptempo alternative with a cool techno bend, perfect for revving up the crowd. Police opener Fictionplane sang a song for his ex called – well, let’s just say it was angsty. And the lead singer is Sting’s son. Winner: Police
  7. Killers crowd: Mickey-Hughey-Cameron and Sugar Lips the cosmetically-enhanced cat. Police crowd: Mr. Too-Much-Cologne Man and his 2 children who were probably embarrassed that old Dad lost his sense of smell. Now I will forever associate that awful chemical smell with Fictionplane songs (by the time the Police came on, I was used to the cologne and could no longer detect it). Winner: Killers
  8. Police lead guitarist Andy Summers’ age: 65. Killers band members ages, combined: 65. Yet who sallied out and left their fans hanging? Hmmm. Winner: Police
  9. Killers: Sam’s Town. Police: Roxanne. Winner: Police

Looks like this one goes to the good guys, 5 to 4. We’ll see what happens in September, Brandon. But sometimes you just can’t beat a classic, even if they are gettin’ on in years. Thanks, Alex, for re-introducing me to The Police, a.k.a. the Po Po, which I dissed long ago when I couldn’t have the same musical taste as Dad on principle alone. And thanks, Sting, with yo’ bad ass sparkly skinny jeans!

5 thoughts on “Police v. Killers: Musical Smackdown

  1. I had no idea that Fictionplane was Sting’s, or as I call him, Gordon’s son.

    As for the “Fuck you Fuck your cigarettes.” I heard those lyrics and I asked Husband are they saying “Fuck you, Fuck your cigarettes,” or are they trying to add an extra syllable to “secrets”? But I’m so musically challenged that I couldn’t sing all with “Walking on the moon.” I kept coming to early on the Eeeeo yo yo yo. Seriously they shouldn’t let me out of the suburbs

  2. Score one for the Rock Cops. I really appreciate a reunion tour that comes with a greatest hits package, and not a new album that only exists to give us a bathroom break during the show.

  3. I LOVE Fiction Plane!! I wanted to see them more than the Police! They have this song I love called “Hate”. Those lyrics give me goosebumps everytime. Good stuff!

  4. In reference to number 8 of the Police vs. Killers list; the name of the guitarist for the Police is Andy Summers not Simmons. Great commentary on the concert!

  5. Hmmm… so embarrassing. I must have been having that recurring fantasy with Richard Simmons again…

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