I Survived MySpace And All I Got Was Low Self-Esteem

Can we talk about MySpace? My baby brother started it with his band page, and of course my mother just had to have one since she’s a groupie and all. I resisted. I mean, aren’t I a little out of the target market for MySpace? Shouldn’t I have graduated on to FaceBook or Friendster or, say, interacting with people in person?

Frankly, I was tired of all the inside jokes on my mother’s and brother’s MySpaces and figured I’d better get my own, or be left out in the cybercold.

So, I finally got my MySpace on. I got all set up, completed my profile, even added my old high school, despite the fact that actually typing its name almost made my fingers bleed (you longtime readers know how I feel about that subject!). And what happens? What happens on the very site that practically guarantees you instant friends?

Right there in bright red letters it said:

Sarah Ockler has 0 friends.

My own mother has more friends! It was like being in high school again, only worse, because more people will probably see the public humiliation of my digital friend count on MySpace than know the private hell I suffered during the teenaged years.

What’s a girl to do? I added my mother as a friend. She approved me, of course, but not without this loving, encouraging comment:

“Sad…really Sad that your mom is your only friend!!!!”

She even capitalized “Sad” – twice – just to underscore her point!

It’s not true that Sarah Ockler has 0 friends! It’s just that all the friends I added hadn’t approved yet. Which is not to say that they don’t approve of me. They’re just, you know, busy and stuff.


It reminds me of the time in 9th grade when I really thought Paul Becker liked me because he kissed me on the lips during my summer birthday party, but then when I asked him to the homecoming dance at my new school, he kept saying “maybe” and then finally the night before the dance I called him one more time and he told me sorry, he had to babysit his little sister that night.

My mom said, “You call him back and tell him that I will babysit his sister so he can go with you to the dance.”

See, Mom used to stick up for me. Abrasively and embarrassingly, but at least she tried. How quickly times change! Now she’s gloating about being my only friend! So if you have a MySpace – even if you’ve never met me before in your life – please add me as your friend so I don’t feel so lame. My groupie mother will pay you!

6 thoughts on “I Survived MySpace And All I Got Was Low Self-Esteem

  1. ha ha! Bims, I am your friend, for real and in cyberspace! your mom is so darn mean…but in a good and funny way. I love it! she is my friend now too!

  2. Don’t worry Bims, I’ll be your friend! Before you know it you’ll be picking through your site, booting off those people who annoy you with 500 post-so-everyone-can-read bulletin surveys a day, wondering who the HELL has that kind of time. Do I really care enough to read a 94 question survey about you, let alone sit there and answer it and subject 100 other people to read mine!?
    Oh, and the second my mom gets a myspace, I set my profile to private and deny, deny, deny…sorry mom!

  3. you should add a little more influence from your “years behind doors” or what i call “growing up” we need mr. bill references, murder counts, tiny gun necklaces, cordless phones, and your and dads arguments dramatically reinacted, i predict friend counts going through the roof!
    also i will give some clues as to who you might want to friend, and you can see my list of friends to get at them…..
    carly and heather
    kellie and allie,
    tim and mindy,
    melissa rienagle,
    we can start there and move on..

    lata homie!


  4. You made me laugh ! Thanks! And I would have been your friend but… now that you have a Myspace, forget it. I do believe I see a HS reunion in your future.
    Love ya, omlfa

  5. bims…you could be my myspace bff anyday if i actually had a myspace page which i dont since i suspect rupert murdoch might actually be satan or dick cheney or both in disguise. anyhow youre definitely on my real life friends list. fo shizzle…

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