Because you know what Facebook is?

Facebook is that really cute guy at the party who’s sooo charming… because he wants to get into your pants. If you don’t give him some outright, he acts all sweet, like he’s super into you, promising you the world. If you still don’t let him in, he steps up his game — first feeding you beer, then kissing you and telling you how beautiful you are, how soft you are, how he can’t live without you (tonight). Then, as a last desperate resort, he reminds you that all of your other friends and the most popular people already let him into their pants, so if you want to be popular (or even liked), you’d better do the same.

Well, I’m done with that.

Facebook, you need to get your grubby corporate paws up outta my virtual pants, okay? And if a straight “NO” isn’t good enough for you, here’s a really long bunch of reasons to which you may refer later if you find yourself thinking wistfully about our former relationship, wondering why I’m long gone.

Why I’m Dumping Facebook

I deactivated my Facebook account! Indefinitely! I really did it. So if you’re looking for me there or wondering if I’m shunning you or something, I’m not. I’m shunning the software. I’m shunning Personal Relationships.com Inc. a Limited Liability Company.

–Sara Zarr, in her recent post on deleting her Facebook, Calvin Report + Facebook saga reaches a final (?) end.

It’s going to take me about 1500 words to say what Sara captures so perfectly in one paragraph, both because I’m an over-explainer by nature and because I’m hoping maybe some of this might encourage those of you who are considering your own FB breakup.

Here goes…

1. Facebook Kills Relationships: By automating interaction, Facebook takes the “relate” out of “relationship.” More than any other online service I use, it has become the great homogenizer. FB is so eager to categorize and box everyone in, track everyone’s relationships and personal tastes, follow your actions, tell you who to invite or reconnect with… it’s downright unnatural! All of my FB interactions feel exactly the same now — a gray blur of likes, dislikes, newsfeeds, and a never-ending campaign of blocking invites to spam sites that call themselves games.

   “But Sarah, Facebook makes it easier to connect and communicate!” Um, no it doesn’t. Facebook simply makes it so you don’t have to connect and communicate. Why make the effort to call someone to invite her to your birthday party when you can just make a Facebook invite? Why share a photo album of the kids with their grandparents when you can just post it for everyone to see on Facebook? Why spend the afternoon with a friend talking about what’s going on in your lives when you can just read about it in your Facebook status updates? When relationships can be managed online, when everyone becomes a blue and white screen dotted with icons and brief little witty bits, why even leave the house at all? “Connecting” seems effortless on Facebook because it is effortless, and that’s not a good thing when it comes to relationships — even virtual ones.

2. Public Life & Private Life Don’t Always Mix: I initially used FB primarily to share news and info about my books and to connect with teen readers, librarians, and other authors online. In that way it was kind of a marketing tool, but because I write and I love what I do, “marketing” really just means “talking honestly about the stuff I love.” So online, am I marketing, or am I relating? Am I selling, or am I connecting? I don’t know anymore. And then, I also used FB with my family, my friends in real life, and people from high school. I don’t want friends and family to be bombarded and overwhelmed with all my book stuff (especially if they already heard all about it in person), and I also don’t want teen readers or librarians watching my family members argue or overshare on my FB wall. See? It’s all getting so multiple personality disorder-ish! It’s like trying to seat people at a wedding where the bride and groom’s parents are all divorced and remarried. I’m like, why didn’t we just elope?!
3. Drama & Negativity Are Rampant on FB: And boy, are they toxic. I’m so tired of learning about divorces, fights, bad news, and even positive big events that used to be shared in person (new relationships, new babies, moves) in the lives of family and friends via Facebook (and getting in trouble when I don’t hear about these things because the little blip just didn’t turn up in my newsfeed among the thousands of other blips posted that day). I’m tried of reading about everyone joining “I hate this and that” groups or “I bet we can beat that group” groups or “Raise your hand if you thinks so-and-so looks like a cow” groups. I’m tired of cyberbullying. I’m tired of having to police my wall to make sure no one posts anything inappropriate or personal. These days, logging into Facebook just makes me feel… bad.
4. Data Aggregation is Creepy: Facebook is a corporation. That means their primary business is not to entertain or serve us, but to make money. They don’t charge users for the site, and there aren’t many ads. So how do you think they turn a profit? By selling our information — information that we freely give, often without even realizing it (like those little “get to know your friends” questionnaires or “tell everyone how we met” status updates — yes, it’s all mined for info).

   Think about how much personal information you share on FB. Photos, birthdays (even if you don’t post it, your friends might still wish you a happy day on your wall!), pets names, anniversary dates, school names and grad years, job info, travel plans, interests, hobbies, where you are, where you’re going, who you like, what you like, who you’re friends with, your relatives, what sites you visit… all the stuff passwords are made of. All the stuff your life is made of. All worth mega-money to advertisers and marketers who seek to define and label you so that they can sell you stuff you don’t need, convincing you that if you don’t buy it, you’ll be missing out (or worse — that you’re somehow less of a person). Sound like that aggressive boy at the party?

   Despite the marketing-speak all over their blog, Facebook is not there to help people “share what’s important to them,” to “put people at the center of the web,” to provide “more social and personalized experiences on other websites” as we “build the social web” together. No. We are a commodity — nothing more. Our information is a commodity. We are dollar signs. It’s that simple. And I went into our relationship knowing as much; I was willing to be that dollar sign as a trade-off for using the free service. But now, especially with their latest “social plugins” move that will enable them to essentially track our every move on the Web, it’s just too creepy for me.

5. And This Stuff Just Makes Me Mad: You’re telling me that a company like Facebook comes along and in a matter of just a few years, integrates 500 million users from all over the globe, linking them up based on likes and dislikes and fan pages and status updates and mutual friends, partnering with other services like Twitter, WordPress, FourSquare, ShareThis, Goodreads, major news and entertainment sites, and consumer sites, generating targeted ads and “like” suggestions based on each individual profile, helping to build this so-called wonderful social web where I can instantaneously notify thousands of “friends” that I “like” Lady Gaga or Pringles Sour Cream Chips, but the health care system in this country can’t come together on standards for personal electronic health records that would reduce medical errors and deaths and save billions of dollars? You’re telling me that with all this miraculous technology, airlines are still overbooking flights and assigning two people the same seat? Do you think this is accidental? Give me a break.
6. Time: This last reason isn’t Facebook. It’s me. I need more time to go outside. To exercise. To write. To have real actual conversations and relationships. Hey, I just want those hours (and the privacy) of my life back, okay?

So that’s it, Facebook. We are over.

For all of my friends on Facebook, over the next week or so, you’ll see me transitioning off my personal page. I’ll still post book updates on the book fan page if I can figure out a way to do it without using the personal page (otherwise, that one is going, too!).

Together with Pet Monster and Snickers the family beagle, we watched one point eight minutes of Edward and two hours of Jacob’s abs. Here’s the unedited, unscripted conversation that followed.

• Me: So Dad, are you team Edward or team Jacob?
• Dad: Team who or team what?
• Me: Edward or Jacob. Edward is the vampire, Jacob the werewolf. Which team are you?
• Dad: *blinks*
• Me: Dad, I need to know so I can order you the right shirt. Are you team Edward or team Jake?
• Dad: *blinks*
• Me: Well?
• Dad: I’m team Going to Bed.

So there you have it. Dad’s official NEW MOON review. Sure, he acted all “I’m team going to bed, rawr!” but I just know he ran upstairs and added TWILIGHT to his Netflix queue. I mean, you can only watch ROAD HOUSE so many times, Dad.

I’m back from my little unplanned blog/social network/online communication hiatus (unplanned hiatus sounds better than procrastination, forgetfulness, laziness, and too-busy-eating-holiday-chocolate-ness which is closer to the truth of it) and ready to make a whole bunch of promises (which may or may not hold up) about being a better blogger this year.

But instead of documenting all my lofty and unlikely resolutions, I’d rather use my slightly overdue 2010 inaugural post to thank all of you for giving me such an amazing, unforgettable year. You’ve welcomed me and Twenty Boy Summer into the world with love, encouragement, and unending enthusiasm, and I couldn’t have asked for a more spectacular debut.

Though I sold Twenty Boy Summer in late 2007, seeing it on the shelves in the summer of 2009 is what made it real. What made me understand that yes, I really did get to achieve this dream. Deep down, I know that what brought it to fruition wasn’t magic—it was hard work and perseverance and dedication (and a bit of neurotic desperation, if you really want to know). But walking into my local book stores and seeing something I created sitting on the shelves alongside the works of authors I’d admired for years—well, it sure felt like magic to me.

I will never forget that day or any of the days and weeks that followed. I will never forget decorating cupcakes to match my book cover and eating them with friends and family until my tongue turned blue at my launch party. I will never forget meeting some of my favorite “veteran” YA authors at ALA, NCTE, and ALAN. I will never forget the camaraderie I found among fellow authors in the 2009 Debutantes community. I will never forget the support I received from my home town media, schools, bookstores, and librarians. I will never forget the dedication and hard work of my agent and the entire team at Little, Brown. I will never forget all of the reader emails and blog comments and waking up on my launch day to find this surprise video making the rounds (and yeah, I still get all choked up when I watch it):

Okay. On second thought, I guess it really was magic. All of these moments, all of these events, all of you made 2009 truly magical for me. And for that, I thank you.

I’ve no better way to show my gratitude than to keep writing, to keep pushing myself creatively, to keep telling stories and sharing them with you. So that’s what I intend to do. In 2010, I’m looking forward to the paperback release of Twenty Boy Summer in May, followed by the hardcover release of my second YA novel, Fixing Delilah Hannaford, in the fall (for now, check out an excerpt online). I’m also working on a few new projects, which promise to be… well… nerve-wracking, as usual! I can’t make any reliable promises about this blog, but I can promise that as long as you keep reading, I’ll keep writing. Books. Blogs. Napkin poetry. However I can get the words out to tell those stories.

Happy new year, friends and loved ones, librarians and booksellers, bloggers and teachers, readers of all genres. Here’s to an incredible, exciting, peaceful, happy, successful, magical, dreamy, fabulous, prosperous, healthy, and just plain ol’ good 2010.

It started quite accidentally, way back in the eighties…

Read the whole tale at Reading is Bliss, complete with photographic evidence and a contest to win a hardcover copy of Twenty Boy Summer!

For my friend, Amybeth:

I’ve known Amybeth for about twenty years. She was hands down the coolest girl at summer camp, and she’s still pretty much the coolest lady I know. It was an honor and a joy to photograph her wedding. So here’s one of my favorite shots from the day — totally accidental. I’d lowered my camera to adjust a setting when I noticed the groom dropping the bride for a dip, so I quick hit the shutter button and hoped for the best. I just love the expressions on their faces!

For my friend, Steve:

Steve is literally “the boy next door” — my old childhood pal. My family lived in the house on the left side of his house for a few years, then we moved to the house on the right. I was excited to celebrate his wedding with our families — we’ve all known each other more than 30 years! Anyway, during the cake cutting, apparently someone (*cough* the GROOM *cough*) didn’t get the memo about the no-smashing-cake-in-the-face thing. His bride was not happy. In fact, some of us began to wonder whether Steve might end sleeping on the couch at the honeymoon suite! But when repeated apologies proved ineffective, he just grabbed her and shut her up with a big fat smooch. Again, one of my favorites from the day!

Congratulations to all, and best wishes for a lifetime of happiness and love!

Speaking of families and love… I’m wrapping up the final revisions on Fixing Delilah Hannaford, my second book, due out next fall from Little, Brown. I’ll be sharing more about it soon, but for now… it’s a story about families, about mothers and daughters, the secrets we carry, the things that tear us apart as well as unite us, and of course, love. Stay tuned for more details next week!

For now, happy fall and lots of hot tea, wedding cake, fuzzy slippers, and love to you all!

Looking for sea glass requires patience and skill — it’s generally quite small and can be hard to spot among similarly colored rocks, shells, leaves, things that crawl, and other lakeside debris. No matter how many times Mom and I walked back and forth over the same stretch of beach, heads down, eyes trained on the thin spread of rocks where the water meets the sand, we continued to find pieces that we’d overlooked just moments earlier. Often, we’d catch a shimmer in the wet sand as the tide pulled back the lake like a skirt, only to lose sight of it as the water again rushed forward. Other times, we’d spot a brightly colored blue or red square a few paces ahead only to scoop up a piece of old plastic. There’s also the tricky matter of avoiding fish bones and litter and separating genuine lake-aged glass from the just-broken bottle shards of last night’s party crowd. Dangerous work, for sure.

Despite the obstacles, the long search is always worth the effort. Genuine beach glass uncovered as easily as something plucked form a store shelf wouldn’t hold such mystery, like the rare red glass in TWENTY BOY SUMMER, or the amber glass largely created not by our modern beer bottles as I once thought, but by Prohibition-era rumrunners who smuggled cases of booze from Canada into Buffalo, dumping bottles in the lake whenever the police got too close.

As we continued our treasure hunt, girls chatted on blankets in the sand despite the post-storm chill and thrillseekers braved the choppy, muddy water to windsurf and kiteboard. On one beach, a bulldozer beeped and roared along the waterfront, clearing tree branches and other debris that washed ashore in Sunday’s rain. Not far from where the waves nipped at our toes, the windmills from Lackawana’s urban wind farm towered in the sky, shooting up like trees from the industrial remnants of the Bethlehem Steel plant.

Here in the southtowns of Buffalo, despite greening efforts like the Lackawanna wind farm, a storm like Sunday’s is enough to flood area waterways and contaminate the lake, and swimming is still forbidden on certain beaches for the entire season due to pollution.

Still, for our walk up and down the shore, the sun shone warm on our backs and the rush of the wind-tossed waves dulled the sounds of civilization. As we combed the sand for hidden gems, it was enough just to be there, to hear the seagulls call to one another across the sky as we dropped tiny bits of amber and kelly green and aqua and white into our bags and wandered along the beach in search of more, a never-ending quest to unearth the buried treasures of the lake.

6. I’ve missed 2 fLiP iT fRiDaYs in a row. 1 for being on an all-day Amtrak ride from NYC to Buffalo. And 1 because I don’t remember why — I only remember the aching guilt. Guilt guilt guilt. Grounded!

5. I haven’t updated this blog in, like, forever. Lazy. Busy. Grounded!

4. I keep staying up way past my bedtime. So far past, in fact, that I’m now sleeping in the future, waiting for everyone else to catch up. Exhausted. Cranky. Grounded.

3. I was visiting my parents tonight and my Dad asked if there was anything sweet in the house, and Mom and I said no, which was a total lie considering the box of Dolci Bakery’s chocolate covered macaroons hidden beside me. And by macaroons I really mean macaroon — just the one — because I ate all the others. I was entering a Great Moral Dilemma (silently amongst myself) about whether to confess and pass over the last one, but by then, Dad was already in the kitchen digging out some cookies Mom remembered were in the freezer. There were 4. Cookies, not freezers. He offered to defrost and share 2 with me, completely oblivious to the macaroon non-admission. I would have eaten them, too, but then Mom found some more sweets. OMG I’m a horrible daughter! Ga-rounded.

2. There’s this crazy lightening storm going on at my parents’ house, the likes of which I haven’t seen since this one night in Denver where it was so intense, the midnight sky looked like daylight and Alex and I debated sleeping in the car in the garage. So what do I do? Go outside with my parents and the dog and stand in the driveway to watch. Um, what does it mean when your nose hair suddenly tingles and your mouth tastes like copper? It means you are dumb. Grounded.

And the number 1 reason I need to be grounded…

1. When I picked up my Mac laptop tonight, there was a rattling inside. Not like a light, tappy, Smart Food White Cheddar Popcorn kernel-rattling, which would be somewhat unsurprising given my propensity toward the cheesy treat as writing brainfood, but like a something-is-definitely-effed-up-in-this-piece rattling. Frantic, I opened it and booted up, but everything looked okay — no cracked screen or missing keys or buttons, and all the sounds and icons came on. Still, each time I tipped the computer, something obviously loose and foreign clunked around inside. I watched a bunch of movies last night so I thought maybe it was a loose DVD or DVD drive component, but nothing would eject (and I was certain I’d already ejected the last movie earlier today). I closed it up again, tipped and gently shook and shook and tipped and shook, and finally, out popped…. a quarter. A quarter! WTF!?! Note to self: Mac laptop is not a piggy bank. Or a slot machine. I don’t even know how it got in there or where it came from. The DVD drive isn’t even an open slot. God, the whole thing was very grilled-cheese-in-the-VCR, you know? How did I not blow myself up? How do I function? Idiot on parade. Grounded!

Devoted readers (and those whom my mother pays to pretend), will someone please volunteer to banish me to a place — a place that’s heavily padded — before I actually hurt myself?

Retrospective

• 6/26/06: Introduction: Barbie Says “Writing a Book is Hard”: Almost exactly 3 years ago, I started this blog with a single post, hoping it would help me focus on writing (and finishing) my YA novel that was then already in it’s 3rd year of draft development, Twenty Boy Summer.
• 7/11/06: In Er… Is This Thing On? I talk about signing up for my first public reading and a bunch of workshops and writer business stuff through Lighthouse Writers Workshop’s 2006 Summer Litfest. BTW, if you’re in the Denver area, the 2-week long 2009 Summer LitFest starts this Friday!
• 7/12/06: Speaking of Useless Boobs, in which I restart chapter 1 and delete a bunch of other stuff, again and again and again.
• 10/2/06: Money Isn’t… and 10 Reasons I’d Rather Be Writing speak to my growing desire to leave the material comforts of corporate life and write full time, no matter what the salary.
• 4/15/07: Now Can I Say I’m a Writer? marks the official completion of Twenty Boy Summer! Well, the first round, anyway!
• 5/30/07: In The Long and Winding Road to Publication, I answer the oft-ask question, “So when will your book be on the shelves?”
• 6/29/07: Celebrate the official agent-find (and dramatic retelling of the process) at The Agent Search is Over.

And finally…

• 9/17/07: Authors, Celebrities, & Book Deals talks about meeting authors and quietly announces the big news that Twenty Boy Summer will become a published novel.

TBS Birthday Plans

Other celebratory activities today?

• Baking and decorating heart-shaped, TBS-themed cupcakes from scratch for tomorrow’s family book launch party, which will be another fun time in what’s quickly becoming a month-long bookfest.
• Chatting with Nadine-Stella in 21 Questions on Starry Night and sharing the first ever sneak peek of Fixing Delilah Hannaford, my second novel, which comes out next year. Nadine-Stella is also giving away hardcover copies of Twenty Boy Summer to 5 lucky commenters!
• For the first stop on a 10-day Traveling To Teens blog tour, learn more about the inspiration behind Twenty Boy Summer at Lauren’s Crammed Bookshelf.
• Awesome Sarah MacLean, author of The Season, hosts TBS main character Anna Reiley on Inside the Character’s Studio.
• I might even take a nap later.

Feel the Love

Parties aside, I wouldn’t even be blogging about this if it wasn’t for the love and support of so many friends, family members, writing buddies, my amazing agent, and the whole team of people working hard at Little, Brown Books for Young Readers. There are so many wonderful people who helped me along the way, and this celebration is as much theirs as it is mine. I’ve thanked many in the pages of Twenty Boy Summer, but there are a few more who deserve a virtual hug today!

• Sarah Dessen. Without even knowing it, YA author Sarah Dessen inspired me to write for teens way back in 2004. Today, I get to thank her publicly as part of The Sarah Dessen Diarist’s Sarah Dessen Celebration.
• The 2009 Debutantes. The Debs is a wonderfully supportive community of fellow debut YA and MG authors who are made of awesome. We laugh. We cry. We send chocolate.
• The Word Ninjas. The Word Ninjas is a new collaborative of debut authors and YA book bloggers working together to introduce new YA reads to the world. The bloggers working on Twenty Boy Summer and the other ninja books are incredible and passionate and excited and it’s really been an honor to work with them. Watch for more fun ninja TBS stuff throughout June!
• The YA Book Blogging Community. I have met so many amazing readers through the YA book blogging community that to name them all would take about a thousand separate blog posts! Every Friday, we introduce one of these bloggers on fLiP iT fRiDay, but in the mean time, I’d like to thank ALL of them for their viral-like support of TBS and other debut YA books. They’ve read and reviewed, hosted contests and interviews, shared books with their friends and family, stalked me in NYC (okay, I encouraged the stalking!), and honored me with things like Jordyn’s 2-week-long TBS Countdown, taking tons of pictures of TBS in the wild, and kicking off my release day with this heartwarming surprise:

  

Thank you, thank you, thank you! Thank you to all of the readers, librarians, booksellers, teachers, bloggers, publishers, and all those with whom I share my love of books and reading and storytelling. I’m overwhelmed by your support and encouragement and enthusiasm for Twenty Boy Summer and I can’t think of a better way to celebrate this day than with all of you.

Happy Birthday, Twenty Boy Summer!


Posted in books, friends and family, memories, publishing, writing ]]> http://sarahockler.com/2009/06/01/happy-birthday-twenty-boy-summer/feed/ 5 Sarah http://sarahockler.com/2009/05/26/happy-anniversary-mom-and-dad/ http://sarahockler.com/2009/05/26/happy-anniversary-mom-and-dad/#comments Wed, 27 May 2009 02:26:14 +0000 Sarah Ockler http://sarahockler.com/?p=1232 ]]>








Posted in friends and family, memories ]]> http://sarahockler.com/2009/05/26/happy-anniversary-mom-and-dad/feed/ 4 Sarah Mom and Dad, 1960s Mom and Dad, 1970s Mom and Dad, 1970s Mom and Dad, Today http://sarahockler.com/2009/05/14/operation-book-stalk-success/ http://sarahockler.com/2009/05/14/operation-book-stalk-success/#comments Fri, 15 May 2009 01:57:54 +0000 Sarah Ockler http://sarahockler.com/?p=1151 ]]> It seems the rumors are true. Twenty Boy Summer is on the shelves!

Look!



Mom picked me up bright and early this morning (11 AM! Can you believe it? I was too excited to sleep! No, seriously. 11 AM is way early for us night shifters!) so we could book-stalk Twenty Boy Summer in the local Barnes & Noble stores. Being the professional, courteous stalker that I am, I called in advance to phone in my stalking so there wouldn’t be any awkwardness. I mean, other than my mom and dear friend Amy accosting passing customers, but who am I to deny their enthusiasm?!

I know I call myself a writer, but I don’t think I’ll ever find the words to describe the feeling of seeing my book on an actual shelf in a store, or the feeling of watching the manager carefully apply the little green “autographed copy” stickers after I signed them, or the feeling of hearing, “We’ve already sold most of them since yesterday – there’s only one left! We’re ordering more now!” or the feeling of seeing my 2009 Debs friends’ books on the shelves, or the feeling of watching customers defend themselves from the onslaught of the fan club otherwise known as Mom who would stop at nothing to sell a middle-aged guy a novel called Twenty Boy Summer with a big heart on the cover…

Well, okay, I could probably come up with some descriptive words for that one, if I really thought about it long enough!

*Blushes*

*Secretly likes it*

And now, for the watch-the-slides-of-my-kids-on-vacation-aren’t-they-adorable portion of the show…

Hanging out with fellow Debs (Deborah Lytton, Cindy Pon, Sarah Quigley, Carrie Ryan):



Autographing the remaining copies:





Operation Book-Stalk was a huge success. I got to sign my books, chat with the wonderful bookstore managers, and set a date for my first official signing (not counting the ones Mom keeps making me do for everyone on her gift list!). If you’re in the Buffalo area, please come! I’m bringing cookies. Who doesn’t love cookies?

Twenty Boy Summer Book Signing
Saturday, June 13, 1:00 PM
Barnes & Noble, McKinley Mall
3701 McKinley Parkway
Buffalo, NY

More local signings coming soon. Now, I must go run around in circles and do a funny little dance to burn off this hyper energy.


Posted in books, Buffalo, friends and family, memories ]]> http://sarahockler.com/2009/05/14/operation-book-stalk-success/feed/ 6 Sarah Twenty Boy Summer on the Shelves Twenty Boy Summer with the Debs Signing Twenty Boy Summer Twenty Boy Summer Autographed