adventures and trips « Sarah Ockler, Author

You Are Now Entering the Spirit World

February 6, 2008

Getting to Buffalo in the winter (read: October through May) always presents a special challenge, including but not limited to such previously experienced setbacks as:

Sleeping on airport floors.
Sitting on the jetway for multiple rounds of de-icer.
Deplaning multiple times. To fly, or not to fly? That is the question.
Circling Buffalo International Airport for hours, hovering above hurricane-force winds. Look kids, there’s the Big Ben tower!
Being forced to land in Rochester and taking a bus up north.
Landing in a blizzard after the airport loses power. Um, are those seriously torches?

But last week’s outbound journey wins the Greatest Antarctic Adventure Ever award.

I’m going to skip all of the horrible details about getting on and off the plane 3 times on account of a supposed dead battery charger (not sure if the pilot was referring to the plane or his iPod, but either way he couldn’t get the part in time and we had to wait for a new plane) and get right to the good stuff.

See, no one ever talks to me in airports or on planes or in lines or in any public settings, like, ever. It’s like I’m wearing headphones. But not. So imagine my surprise when, as I sat on the airport floor awaiting the third round of boarding at DIA, a young man sat across from me and started a conversation! With me! La la la!

Young Man: Do you have a connection in DC?
Me: Yes, Buffalo. You?
YM: Belgium. But that’s only the beginning of the journey. The rest of it, well… you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.
Me: I probably would. You should totally tell me.
YM: It’s a special kind of journey. You can’t get there by plane or even by walking.
Me: *blink*
YM: Look. *procures multiple glossy brochures*
Me: *freaks out a little on inside; yet… strangely intrigued*
YM: See all these castles? Well, you can’t get in through the doors or windows. You can only get in through a special door in the spirit world. That’s where I’m going.
Me: *wonders if this is veiled cry for help; looks around for sharp objects*
YM: Hey, do you want to go to the spirit world with me? We can go right now. Right here in the airport. You and me. *smiles*
Me: Nah, I’m cool.
YM: All you have to do is look at this picture and chant with me. *strokes card featuring couple on horse; chants*
Me: *blink*
YM: Isn’t the material world frustrating?
Me: Not really. It could be worse.
YM: *clearly flustered* Look. Do you want to know about the two most important men in my life? They live in the spirit world. Would you like to hear what they have to say?
Me: No.
YM: Okay. I’m sorry I talked to you.

Ohmygod, whatever, Spirit Boy! First person in the history of travel to ever talk to me unprovoked and this is what I get? I’m like Lou Diamond Phillips in Young Guns when all his friends are on some crazy freaking peyote trip. “We’re in the spirit world, asshole. They can’t see us!”

Besides, it’s not that I didn’t want to go to the spirit world—because I kind of did—it’s just that I needed a little more information. Never take a ride with strangers and all that, you know? The brochures. The chanting. The zoned out monotone spell-casting. It was all just a bit creepy as far as recruiting strategies go. And I was about to point out exactly that, offering an alternative marketing plan via a multimedia presentation with cascading bullet points and pie charts, when I noticed a blond woman in black leather (The perfect travel outfit. Hot!) waving at me from across the gate area. I smiled a polite-but-disinterested smile and looked away, grateful for the distraction from Spirit Boy, who was now happily chanting at his horse-people card.

Leather Woman immediately grabbed up her bag and crossed the gate to meet me. Great. Another one! When she arrived exactly in my personal space, I noticed the teetering, and the fumes (speaking of the spirit world). She put her arm around me as if we were old chums which, according to her, we were.

Leather Woman: Ohmygod, I totally remember you!
Me: You do?
LW:: Yes!
Me: From where?
LW: Ohmygod! From the bar! *points down terminal; nearly topples*
Me: I wasn’t at the bar.
LW: Yes you were. And I remember you. Because I could never forget someone like you. Therefore, I remember you! *ponders the mystery of it all*
Me: I promise I wasn’t there.
LW: *looks momentarily disappointed* Oh, okay. Well, you should have been! That’s where we all were! *gestures wildly at other awaiting passengers; almost topples again*
Me: Cool.
LW: I know… you should totally go to the bar right now!
Me: Nah, I’m okay.
LW: Fine. Well, either way. I will never forget you!
Me: Awesome. Good luck getting on the plane.

At this point I’m like, please can we get on this fucking plane please please please? And guess what? We did! And after only a 4-hour delay and a near-death experience on the DC to Buffalo prop plane that was doing a little seesaw action on the landing, I arrived in Buffalo just after the airport re-opened from an earlier ice storm. My little brother was there to greet me.

The drummer, Scott? He’s my little brother. When we got to the bar, because what else do you do in a blizzard, he handed me a drink.

Me: Thanks.
Rock star baby brother: Don’t be like our other sister, Steve.* Keep up, okay?
Me: *downs drink in single sip, Buffalo-style; cuts hair into attractive lady-mullet*
RSBB: Sweet.

I’ve been in the spirit world ever since. Perhaps I shouldn’t have been so judgmental.

*Steve is actually our brother. But last month, after spending the night hugged up around the toilet in my little brother’s apartment after only 2 nights as a groupie, and then going home to mommy’s house to “sleep it off,” he become known as our other sister.

5 Comments | adventures and trips, friends and family | Tagged: Buffalo, Helicopter Pilot, Scotty-O, spirit world | Permalink
Posted by Sarah Ockler

Tropics-Bound

January 30, 2008

Don’t be a vacation-hater, but check out the Weather.com forecast for my upcoming trip:

Does this town ever see the sun? There isn’t enough room in this little blue suitcase for all the layers I need. And what’s up with that “Light Wintry Mix” on Monday? Is that, like, a dance track? A snack food?

And don’t even get me started on the number of days listed in this supposed 10-day forecast. I guess they figure if you’re going to Buffalo in February, all of your brain cells are diverted to the important job of keeping your organs functioning in the cold rather than high-level math.

Personally, I don’t need brain cells on this trip. I’ll warm right up when I start bustin’ my moves for that Light Wintry Mix.

Enche-enche-enche…*

Either way, wish me luck. I don’t have furry snow boots and I’m only bringing one roll-aboard suitcase. Hopefully there is alcohol in my future.

Enche-enche-enche…

*Club song. You know the one. Usually followed by something like, wa wa, wa wa wa wah — BASS! BASS! BASS! wa wa wa wa wa wah — ooo-eh ooo-eh…

7 Comments | adventures and trips | Tagged: Buffalo | Permalink
Posted by Sarah Ockler

Best of New York City

January 22, 2008

Dear Denver,

Thank you for rolling out the way-too-many-degrees-below-freezing welcome mat for my return last night. Since New York was also below freezing for the last day of my visit, I know you were only trying to prevent me from going into shock with a nice sunny day (even though you have nice sunny days every year, like 344 of them, according to the people who keep track of such things, but anyway).

I appreciate your efforts, but I’m afraid neither your balmy weather nor your restaurants that close at 8 PM can keep me in the Mile High City much longer. Not after my most recent trip to the homeland, featuring the following best of the best favorite things*, in order of appearance:

1. Brooklyn. Home to my brother-from-another-mother and the Total Wine Bar, my first ever book club from a way long time ago where I first read Jitterbug Perfume which became my favorite Tom Robbins book ever, my old friend Dennis, Firebrand Literary, and the people on my flight from Denver who made flying fun again with their clapping and whooping and declaration that, once they’re back in NY, they’ll never eat at another Chili’s again.

2. Pizza in a paper bag. I got to my BFFs on the UES well after 10PM, starving. Oh no! 10PM! Everything will be closed! Panic panic panic. But then… wait. It’s only 10. Nothing will be closed. And I can walk outside to hot, fresh, pizza in a paper bag in less than 10 steps. Foot steps – not, like, AA steps. I walked up to the glass counter. Picked out a beautiful slice with cheese and tomatoes. Watched the guy slide it into the giant oven, and then drop it on 2 paper plates, stuck backwards into a paper bag. Ohhhh. It wasn’t the best pizza I’ve ever had in New York. Just the best pizza I’ve had in a very long time.

3. Zen Palate. How can you make something that tastes just like BBQ ham out of tofu? I don’t know and I don’t care. I only care that they did it, even though we had to switch tables part way through because the waiter needed ours for a bigger party, and there were only like 5 tables in the whole place, and we had to bring our own wine. But still. Tofu? Ham? Yay!

4. Sephora on Lex & 57th and Nikki, skin care consultant to the stars. Hello, Bare Minerals! Gone are the days of makeup paint by number! Nikki, I… I love you.

5. Coffee. Really, I forget what it’s supposed to taste like. Mmmmm… good morning! It’s midnight! I’m awake now!

6. The view out Jensiah’s window. All those people walking to the train. For work. And I’m in my PJs (*snicker*), drinking aforementioned coffee, pondering whether to go with the neutral brown or the sparkly eye shadow from Nikki. Probably the sparkly, because it’s called Hottie, so how can you go wrong? And there was this really cute little girl outside in a purple coat racing her mom to the train, only her sleeves were too long and she had to keep stopping to push them up. Uh-dorable.

7. The subway. Upon which one can never run out of character ideas for new books, especially if one’s special talent happens to be writing creepy novels about people who don’t shower rubbing up against people who do while someone in the background reads quotes from the bible over the sound of the accordion player keeping time with his foot at the other end of the car. And also, what is that smell?

8. The offices of Little, Brown. Not only does visiting here remind me that I’m officially a writer (sometimes I forget), but they also provided a sticky name tag with my name and my picture (very legitimate-looking), writing and career advice, revision notes (thank you for not making me cry!), a copy of The Kayla Chronicles, a copy of The Mysterious Benedict Society, and my official Sara Zarr Sweethearts candy available for a limited time only. Remember Mel Brooks in History of the World when he’d grab everyone’s boobs and say “It’s good to be the king?” That’s kind of how it feels. Well, except for the whole boob-grabbing part.

9. Six-pound bagels. Wider than my fist, dripping with cream cheese and fresh, bright red tomatoes, toasted and sliced only through the top for easier hand-to-mouth maneuverability, wrapped in paper and foil so that when you sit on it to flatten it to a normal mouth-sized width, you don’t get cream cheese on your ass. God I love this town!

10. Palace Diner in Queens. And all diners, really, with their 17-page menus of cross-regional cuisine, full bars, and pickles the size of my foot. Oh, how I miss thee, great great diner.

11. MUMMIES! *Heart heart heart.* Saving the best of the best of the best for last. I braved the hurts-to-even-breath cold just to gaze upon the painted-on eyes of the sarcophagi for the second time in two months. Mummies, which amaze me. Mummies, which I heart. But look, I’m not the only one:

* Things, not people. I didn’t list any people (except for the mummies. Which I heart) because you’re all my favorite. You know that, right? Hey. Don’t be a mummy-hater, yo.

6 Comments | adventures and trips, eats, new york city | Tagged: Egyptian art, mummies, new york city | Permalink
Posted by Sarah Ockler

East Coast Stompin’ Tour Recap

December 8, 2007

After 2 weeks, way too much food and alcohol, not enough sleep, 37 extra pounds, like a billion dollars unaccounted for (drinking + ATMs = bad), and probably some other stuff I shouldn’t mention on a family-friendly blog, Alex and I are finally back from New York. And all I have to say is, wow, it’s so quiet here in Colorado. And, wow, it’s so weird being allowed to stay up till 3 a.m. on a school night, doing whatever I want. If I didn’t have a live-in husband to consider, I’d probably stop showering. *Sniff sniff*

I extended my original itinerary from 4 to 14 days on account of being suddenly *terminated* and took full advantage of the extra time to see as many old friends, colleagues, and family (some older than others, not to name names) as possible.

From Sorting the Mail to Writing a Book: Career Full Circle

I visited with my first boss from my first job out of college (loosely titled “Marketing Assistant”) waaayyy back in 1997. A decade seems like a long time to know someone, so to commemorate the occasion, Judy and I hung out at the Met in the ancient Egypt exhibit checking out some really old mummies, artwork, and other beyond-ancient stuff that has generally fascinated me since my grandmother went to Egypt in the 70s and brought me back this wooden box with the Eye of Ra (where I used to hide candy to eat for breakfast) and a doll of an Egyptian woman with a woven basket on her head (I guess they were out of the I Heart Mummies bumper stickers). I’m going to have to find a way to work mummies into a future novel…

I also reconnected with old friends from my second job at the National Kidney Foundation (loosely titled “Program Director and Whipping Girl”). Not much has changed – people have switched floors and redecorated, but many of the same faces are still there. That job was honestly the most emotionally rewarding job I’ve ever had, all issues aside. It’s also where I met my favorite husband (who is thankfully quite tolerable of both non-showering and Top Model marathons), and where the first seeds of the idea for my novel, Twenty Boy Summer, took hold (I just didn’t know it at the time).

[Sidebar: Dear Marilyn, fellow NKF escapee who indulged me in a culinary escapade of the Queens-diner-with-giant-books-for-menus nature last week, I'm officially calling you out on this official Web site to officially get to work on your writing, officially. Loyal readers, feel free to leave Marilyn an encouraging message to GET HER ASS MOVING on that manuscript!]

To round out the visit down career memory lane, I had a nice long look at the future, too (hint: writing, the anti-corporation). I had dinner with my agent, Ted, who probably doesn’t even realize that in recommending the Stand, he introduced me to the best veggie burger in New York since Acme Bar & Grill. I also got to meet my editor, who is even more fabulous in person than in the various author blog posts I’ve stalked I mean casually read about her. And, she has curly hair! Everyone I met in the office was so great, and I can’t even say how excited I am to be working with them. I hope they like mummies. I would have asked over lunch, but an unhealthy mummy obsession is more of a second date revelation, don’t you think?

Friends & Family: How to Overstay Your Welcome Without Really Trying

First, we defeated reigning Cranium champs Erika and Steve in their own home. To celebrate, we headed to Total Wine Bar in Brooklyn to drink up all of Ed’s wine. We’ll be back!

There was also the usual visit to the Christmas Crap store with Mom. Afterwards, Aunt Linda read our Tarot cards. “I see a lot of Christmas crap in your future…”

We allowed “Jensiah” (like Bennifer, only cuter) to dupe us into dragging the infamous “Red Thing in the Window” down the block to their apartment, but first we had to remove the guy who lived on it. Oh wait, I think I’m married to that guy…

“I love it!” She exclaims. “But what is that smell?”

And then, the ultimate birth control: story time at Union Square B&N. That sweet little angel you see there is Ryan, and he in no way frightens me from the idea of children. It was more those other kids. The drooling, runny-nosed ones that flocked to Amy as if her pockets were lined with cookies. See, there’s one eyeing her up in the background. Ma-ma!

Scenic Shots

In closing, please enjoy a few scenic shots that encapsulate the trip.

See that steam? It’s like the pipe is a direct line to Hades. Seriously, you don’t want to smell it. But when it’s cold, and you walk over a grate emanating the same gaseous substance, it’s kind of nice. Warm. As long as you don’t think about it too much. My brother calls it the “peeing in the pool” effect. Mmmm.

First snow (for us anyway) on Lexington and 77th outside Jensiah’s place.

Bryant Park.

And finally, the Williamsburg Bridge at sunset.

We’ll be home again soon. See you there.

4 Comments | adventures and trips, friends and family, new york city | Tagged: homesick, mummies, new york city, vacation, writing | Permalink
Posted by Sarah Ockler

Preparations

November 10, 2007

In preparation for our eastward migration, which may start sooner than we thought*, Alex and I played a little game in our hotel suite at the Venetian in Las Vegas this week… a little game I like to call, “Where Would We Put The Bed?”

Since the company-sponsored suite was definitely larger (and most likely nicer, and probably cheaper) than any apartment we’ll snag in NY, we tried to envision how our existing furniture would fit into a space about that size.

Upon determining that our ever-expanding bookshelves will need their own bedroom, and that we could only dream of owning a sweet shiny gold couch like that, we gave up. I went back to reading Uglies (yeah, see how well that write vs. read decision went for me the other day?), and Alex went back to usability testing the minibar (it passed!).

After four days in the plastic paradise city where getting attacked by the Borg (assimilate or die!) at the Star Trek Experience was our most realistic adventure, we’re finally back in Denver. We miss that sweet gold couch, but no need to despair… there’s lots we can do right here at home to get into that New York state of mind!

Stuff to Do Before the Move:

Move all of our furniture into the living room and pretend that it’s our entire apartment
Close off the large bathroom and add a few cracked pink and black tiles, South American water bugs, and a loose, unlockable window to the smaller one
Lock up the garage and park on the street two neighborhoods over
Close off the laundry room and start hauling our dirty clothes in fabric bags to the nearest laundromat
No more SUVs for big, semi-monthly grocery trips! It’s back to walking the rickety old lady cart for us!
Purge our closets of all brightly colored clothes, leaving only black and, for a change-up, a few gray accessories (hey, gray’s a color!)
Break the spokes on our never-used Colorado umbrellas so we can leave them with their black and blue bumbershoot brethren in the 5th Avenue post-storm gutter
Practice writing a rent check with an extra 0 at the end
Bash up our car with a few door dents and key scratches
Throw out all those bottles of sun screen and reinforce our motley collection of gloves and scarves
Practice preparing and cooking food in a closet on one stove burner with a dorm-sized fridge and no microwave
Ask our maintenance guy to stop fixing broken stuff and to leave that trash in the parking lot right where it was thrown
Practice our swift-elbow-to-the-ribs moves for those subway passengers who refuse to “stand clear of the doors” on the 6 platform at Grand Central
Take $100 out of the ATM every day and burn it, then erase our memories so we have no recollection whatsoever of where that money went

Hmmm. Did I miss anything?

* It’s, like, super awesome to learn from an online newspaper that your company is about to be acquired!

2 Comments | adventures and trips, home, new york city | Tagged: Las Vegas, moving, new york city, unemployment | Permalink
Posted by Sarah Ockler

Sarah Ockler, Author

You Are Now Entering the Spirit World

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